Modern Management Funda

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

"It was Bob, the next door neighbor,” she replies.

"Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

"Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Puff! She’s gone.

"Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Puff! He’s gone.

"OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Management Funda' s

17 Management Funda's

1. "We will do it" means "You will do it"

2. "You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3. "We are working on it" means "We have not yet started WORKING on the Same"

4. "Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5. "After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6. "There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

Office-management- Fundas

7. "Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8. "We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9. "We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10. "We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11. "Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12. "You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13. "We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14. "Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know…"

15. "We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16. "That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17. "All the Best" means "You are in trouble"