Hitches in Cross-Gender Communication

Who is a better conversationist - Men or Women?

NONE!

Because we are not "good, better, best". We are simply "Different".

But what are these differences? And how do these differences affect our daily speech? Why do Men and Women find it difficult to exchange information in an efficient way? What are the reasons behind loss of information? Why the confusions?

There are many more questions related to hitches in cross-gender communication. The hitches don't happen every time, but they Do happen.

Let us try to discuss some of these hitches - the problems, the reasons and the solutions.

Professor Deborah Tannen of Georgetown University, in her book "Thats Not What I Meant" has specified that point as an important one. In fact, that is something which relates with the cultural aspect of communication, wherein ways of talking and ways of behaving that we learn as children growing up, affects our communication patterns and imprints it for the rest of our life. Perhaps this imprinting is going to stay, because most of us Do want to be "different" even if there are no cultural barriers. There may be some scientific reasons behind this. But the differences between the conversational styles of Men and Women may have a very early root. If we look at the ways in which human beings try to develop friendship when they are kids, we may observe that "girls create friendship through talking, and they gauge friendship by closeness. For boys, activities are central, and they gauge friendships by loyalty." So, girls love to converse while boys love to compete. Both ways are fine. But this difference leads to differences. While a boy, because of his competing nature, would love to give orders, a girl would love to share suggestions. The outcome - confusion.

Some excerpts

Some excerpts from Powerful "Communication Skills" by "Colleen McKenna"

For communication between men and women to be effective, we must recognize the differences between male and female communication styles. Men and women, at home or in the workplace, whether speaking
or listening, use communication methods designed to meet their primary communication needs.

MEN'S NEEDS:

1. To feel accepted.
2. To feel admired.
3. To feel appreciated.
4. To feel approved of.
5. To feel trusted.

WOMEN'S NEEDS:

1. To feel validated.
2. To feel respected.
3. To feel understood.
4. To feel reassured.
5. To feel cared about.

• Men and women learn to communicate differently.

• Men define who they are through their achievements. They believe they are what they do.

• Women define themselves through their connection with others. They believe they are what they feel.

• When speaking with men, remember their need to feel accepted, admired, appreciated, approved and trusted.

• When speaking with women, remember their need to feel validated, respected, understood, reassured and cared about.

• The number-one way a man can improve his relationship with a woman is to listen to her feelings.

• The number-one way a woman can improve her relationship with a man is to empower him.

_______EXCERPTS END________

When communicating to someone, one of the most important thing is to have faith in the act of communication. If you feel that communication would make things better, then communication would definitely succeed; if you feel otherwise, communication would fail. Also, the act of listening is very important; only a good listener can be a good speaker. Keep listening :-)

Golden Sales Rule

Richard White is a renowned marketeer in UK and has authored some golden sales rules.
Here is one of them-

Soft Selling Golden Rule number 10:
Build long-term relationships based on mutual trust and respect
Imagine being telephoned by the Chief Executive of a major business to get your input on a problem they are experiencing. You are the first person to be called:
"I have a problem I would like to discuss with you. Could you meet me tomorrow to help me think it through and come up with some options?"

This situation is the ultimate business relationship for the soft seller to work towards - the trusted advisor. You are in a position of trust and respect where you are involved in the defining of problems and solving them. You have the inside track on opportunities!

This type of position takes investment of time and effort and will rarely occur overnight. The first year of developing a major account may look like you have put in a lot of extra, unpaid effort
and yet the payback in subsequent years will normally be substantial.

The inside is the best place to be in order to develop such a relationship. For a smaller, less established company, winning a small piece of work is probably a much easier way to begin working together and from there grow the relationship. 'Free to fee' can also be an effective investment strategy for some service based businesses to get the relationship off to a start. From the inside, you can often win without any competition!

You cannot make a client trust and respect you but by being consistently trust worthy and respectful you increase your chances dramatically of it being reciprocated.

At least half of a service sale is based on trust and chemistry. If you find it difficult generating instant rapport with a wide range of people then the first place to invest is in your own personal development. This will not necessarily come from techniques and more likely to come from changes in attitude and how you relate to others.

Attending seminars, reading books and coaching/mentoring can help significantly. It will probably be the best investment you ever make!!!

Please Keep Reading & Posting on the Community.

Five Tips for Keeping Your Business Calls Cordial

Many of us go about business day using the phone like we were on auto-pilot, often taking for granted that we might be getting and giving less to the conversation than is possible.

Here are five tactics to use to get more out of your phone conversations while at work.

Relax!

I put this at the top of the list because I found by mastering this tactic for business calls, the other four easily followed.
Busy schedules can make it difficult to slow down and take a deep breath before making or receiving a call. But, stopping to take a moment to gather your thoughts about a call before it begins goes along way to keeping your call on track and making YOU sound more confident.

Recently, I have been helping out in our catering department where, through the busy pace of filling outside catering orders and providing dining service, the phone rings constantly. We even installed a bell connected to the ringer so we could hear the phone anywhere in the department!

With all that is going on in the catering department, we suggest to everyone who answers the phone to sit down and take a deep breath before using the phone. What happens when a catering staff member’s mind is still on other projects while answering the phone? Simple, things in the conversation get missed and can be very costly.

Remember what I said earlier about being relaxed making you sound more confident over the phone? How many times have you made a call to order something, maybe something very expensive, and heard a harried voice on the other end? If you are like me, it really leaves you wondering if your order is ever going to make it to you.

Relaxing before a business call takes practice. Often, anxiety creeps up over finances...how much is riding on the call. All the more reason to stay calm, confident, and on-track.

Mind the mood in your voice

The inflection of your voice can change greatly throughout a call. People can’t see your eyes or face over the phone, which is why your voice is your eyes and face to the world. You may get distracted by someone or something during the call or maybe the conversation begins to bore you or upset you.

However slight the changes may be in your voice, even if you don’t realize it yourself at first, you shouldn’t assume the other person isn’t going to pick up on it. If they do pick up on negativity in your voice, your conversation is headed for conflict, whether they tell you or not.

During college, I worked as a telemarketer, helping physicians with job relocation. During my training, I was taught to keep an even, light tone in my voice regardless of the mood of the physician.

There were times when it was hard not to take anxiety the physician was voicing to heart. Still, keeping a calm inflection was a great defense against sometimes feeling “attacked” as well as often helping to diffuse the tension of the client.
Our job was to make the client first hear in our voice, then see in their mind our genuine desire to help. The last thing one of our clients needed to add to their own tension was any negativity from us.

Like relaxing before a call, keeping tabs on the inflection in your voice helps you better control your side of the conversation, while staying in tune with the other person on the phone.

First, greet the callee by name

This tactic is a “pet-peeve” of mine when a caller doesn’t use it!

Whenever I get a call that starts out with anonymous voice using the name of the business, or just a number, I never return the call. I figure if they can’t be personal enough to leave a name to refer to when I return their call, then they must not really feel I am important.

During my job as a telemarketer, part of my training was making “mock” calls. These practice calls helped me to learn to place my first name in a phone greeting. It didn’t take too many calls to develop the habit of using my name (first name at the very least)

'Small talk' has its place

Everyone has something to share about themselves. However, unless the purpose to the conversation is just that – anything in general – you should keep in mind the real purpose and urgency of the call.

During a business call, if it is someone I know, we do take a few minutes to catch up. It’s only natural, like visiting a friend’s home. However, if it is someone not very familiar, I take my cue from them about sharing anything outside of the purpose of the call.

It’s ok to be personable over the phone, which means something different to all us. But, it shows respect to read the other person when it comes to “small talk” and not become annoying while using it.

Limit distractions

Distractions are one of the biggest killers of phone conversations. In the case of my workplace, this can be quite a challenge, which is why our phones are located in areas of the least amount of traffic and equipment. Even so, if distractions can’t be controlled, tell the caller you will call them back at a quieter time, or make your call when you can concentrate on who you are calling, not what is going on around you.

In the past, I have been on the unfortunate end of phone calls where I shared the sounds of grease frying, pans clacking, knives chopping, or some other kitchen machinery with the other person. Trust me, the conversations were full of “What did you say?”

Before picking up the phone to make a call or receive one, take a moment to check the noise and people around you.

A bad conversation over the phone in any setting leaves people feeling the same as if it were face to face…feeling hurt, angry, and/or frustrated. However, a business call often has much more riding on it than just a casual conversation.
By using these five tactics during a business call, conflicts over behavior, not topic, can be avoided. You might also find by practicing them, you will enjoy your casual phone calls more as well.

Perseverance is the Key to Success !!!

"Perseverance is the Key to Success"

Remember that making mistakes is part of learning.

Helga’s first try at establishing her jewelry store failed. After re-evaluating her experience, she opened another jewelry store. Helga is now the proud owner of three successful stores.

Helga didn’t fail in her first attempt. Failure occurs when we quit or stop trying. Helga has perseverance - “stick-to-itiveness.”

Perseverance is the key to success. After thousands of efforts to make the electric light bulb, Thomas Edison said, “I haven’t failed, I’ve identified 10,000 ways that it doesn’t work.” Mario Lemieux, Helen Keller, Abraham Lincoln, Marie Curie and an endless list of other great achievers found that success inevitably arrives for everyone who perseveres.

Acquiring a desired job or promotion, or succeeding at business may present difficulties. But this is part of the learning process. Ultimately, people who persevere become successful. They learn from mistakes.

Do you persevere? Or, after meeting rejection or difficulties, do you quit?

Test Your Perseverance Quotient

Rate yourself – on a scale of one to three, one being low and three being high – on each of the following:

1. I believe in myself.
2. I have clear career goals.
3. I address my limitations.
4. I bounce back from disappointment.
5. I have the stamina to persist.
6. My family and friends support me in my pursuit of goals.
7. I can adapt to change.
8. I focus and complete projects.
9. My goals are consistent with my purpose and values.
10. I can take unpopular actions when I believe I’m right.

Add your scores. The higher your score, the more perseverant you are.

Tips for Persevering !!

1. Clarify your goal. Base it on your mission/passion, needs and abilities. Know why you want your goal and how you and others will benefit.

State your goal in the present. Write desired outcomes, what you want to accomplish. Be detailed, specific, positive.

2. Intend to achieve you goal. Outline goal, strategies and timeline. Know resources that can help you attain your goal, such as people, associations and the Internet. Break the goal into small steps, working backward form your desired outcome and achievement date.

3. Develop support systems. Meet regularly with positive, encouraging people who support your goals and celebrate your achievements. Select other sources of positive reinforcement such as books or tapes with uplifting themes.

4. Choose productive attitudes and behaviors. Don’t dwell in the past, worry about what might happen or view yourself as a victim.

Maintain optimism. Reinforce the positive in yourself and others. Expect good things. Watch self-talk. Replace negative thoughts or statements with positive ones. Keep a diary of each day’s good experiences.

Focus on what you can do. Acknowledge your accomplishments. Judge your accomplishments against personal standards of self-improvements.

Have the courage of your convictions. Don’t change for others or compare yourself with others.

5. Develop the will to risk. Don’t fear mistakes. Ask: ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Decide whether you could live with the worst or take steps to reduce the chance of it happening.

Research your goal to reduce negative outcomes. For example, interview successful people who have achieved similar goals. Learn from their mistakes.

Live in the present. Don’t worry about what might happen. View mistakes as opportunities to grow.

Let go of attachments. The more attached you are to something, the greater the fear of losing it.

6. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Care for you mind, body, emotions and spirit. Schedule quiet times to think and reassess. Practice stress relievers such as deep breathing, exercise, meditation. Get sufficient sleep, eat healthy. Take time for fun and friends.

7. Practice imagery. Imagine yourself living your goal today. Hold your desired outcome firmly in your mind. See, smell, touch and hear aspects of your goal. Each morning upon rising, review your goal. Repeat the process at night.

8. Persist. Focus on goals daily. With every “no” of defeat you’re closer to a “yes” of success. If you learn from set-backs and stay on course, success will follow. Every day, at regular intervals, ask yourself whether your activities are helping you attain your goal.

Believe you’ll attain your goal. Persevere. When your mind, emotions and activities focus on your goal, you can achieve the extraordinary.

Management Funda's !!

Management Funda's !!

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it.”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done ” At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means ” I Have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will Talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually Fought”

11.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault
is”

12.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

13.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

14.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

15.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

16.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

17.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”